Learning to be honest in motherhood
I'm what you would call a classic middle.
I’m the middle child of five, and growing up, we learned to be resourceful. In so many ways, it shaped me beautifully. I’m creative, I’m adaptable, I know how to figure things out.
But the shadow side of that is: I learned to be overly self-sufficient.
In a house with that many kids, there wasn’t much “extra” — emotional bandwidth, physical help, or attention.
So I internalized the belief that if I wanted something, I had to find a way to get it myself.
Fast forward to last year when I had my second baby, Rune — and I hit a wall of capacity.
The self-sufficiency that worked with my first pregnancy and birth… didn’t work anymore.
I felt like I was always on the edge of drowning. But because I’d built my identity around being the one who “handles it,” I genuinely didn’t know how to ask for support.
Friends would ask, Do you need anything?
Caleb would ask, Babe, what do you need?
And I would smile and say, No, I’m good. I’ve got it.
But the truth is, I wasn’t good. I wasn’t being honest — not with myself, and not with the people who love me.
And here’s what I’ve learned:
We resist honesty because it requires vulnerability.
It asks us to be seen in our need, and many of us learned that needing anything is weak or burdensome.
But the cost of this soft dishonesty is high.
For me, it started showing up as a quiet resentment. When Caleb would go to the gym or meet a friend for a drink, a small voice inside would whisper:
Why don’t I get to do that? Why does he get support and I don’t?
But the truth was: I told everyone I was fine. I even told myself, it was fine. I wasn't asking for what I really desired -- which was support.
So many of us are patterned to say:
No, I’m fine. I don’t need help. Yes, I can do that.
We say yes when we want to say no. We say no when we desperately want to say yes. We hold it together instead of letting ourselves be held.
And slowly — quietly — resentment builds. And we call it “overwhelm” or “burnout” or “feeling stuck,”...
But often, it's the absence of honesty.
If you’re wanting to step into more honesty — with yourself first, and then with the people who love you — here are a few questions to explore this week:
Where am I pretending I’m okay because I don’t want to seem needy?
What help would I ask for if I trusted that my needs matter?
Where am I longing to be held, and telling myself I shouldn’t need it?
PS. My favorite book about Honesty is The Way of Integrity by Martha Beck. If you're looking for a good read this season, this one is 🔥🔥🔥
